When You’re Suffocating in Your Own Story


refugees

I’m one of those. Unashamedly, I’m one who puts away Christmas as soon as I can. I’m not eager to sweep away the mystery or the miracle, but I’m hungry for new and will get there as soon as I can.

There is, though, a crude little sculpture I can’t box away into months of darkness.

Glance quickly and your mind plays a trick on you. You did, after all, see numerous Marys and Josephs and Babies last month.  You can almost dismiss this clay as just another Nativity scene, but it’s not.

Mary is on a donkey, yes.  But she’s holding the Baby in her arms, and her womb is empty. The hope and wonder has been replaced by an overwhelming sense to rescue her son so He can rescue the world someday.

See them fleeing Herod’s insatiable greed and insanity as they race to Egypt.  Joseph and Mary – and the Rescuer of the world – are refugees.

Tired. Misplaced. Unsafe. And not in control.

Are you not in control? I know. It’s terrible, isn’t it?

Dear, dear Joseph has had quite a couple of years. Just a year or so ago he was well into a career designing and producing in his carpentry studio. And now the Master Artist is radically carving his life into something else.

Does your life look different than you planned? Is your heart being carved?

And Mary. Bless her. Her days were clearly not her own, either, and this escape to protect the Son of God must have seemed almost wrong. Did we misunderstand, Joseph? Truly we didn’t hear Yahweh clearly… Her journey to Bethlehem had been full of Hope and Promise kicking inside her. What life was she giving the toddler in her arms now?

Have you ever felt inadequate? Do you maybe have regrets?

Friend, look at the refugees, holding the Hope of the World in their arms, furiously determined to do their part in helping God heal the world.

I love change. I’ve craved it. I’ve sought it many times. I’m simply fond of new.

But I do see how much of my yearning is steeped in discontentment.  Lord, quiet my restlessness. My infatuation reaches only to the point when I’m in control… when I’m the one dictating the change.

I bow to the idol of control as I resist the Author’s twists on my story. I simmer in anxiety and drown those around me with it. I scorn brokenness without noticing the Carpenter wants to reform my heart. Wants to carve away the ugliness I crudely patched on myself.

Have you ever felt the need to be repurposed?

He’s calling you to bravely live in the unpredictable. (Life has a way of shifting what we hold dear, doesn’t it?) He’s calling you to radically embrace the unknown. For in the unknown, we’re no longer pushing our own agendas. There, our purpose becomes much grander. And really, it feels so good to be part of something big instead of starring in our own little mini-dramas. (You know your own story and can read it if you want.)

But you are a chosen people… Beloved, remember you do not belong in this world. You are resident aliens living in exile… Live honorably. I Peter 2:9-12 

And though we’re refugees — tired, scared, numb — ultimately His plan is for us to travel right into His presence. Away from choices gone bad, away from insecurity and regret, away from misplaced treasures. 

Journey with me?

4 thoughts on “When You’re Suffocating in Your Own Story

  1. Christan,

    Oh, to be able to write like this. It’s truly inspiring how you can shout God’s story while whispering your own within it… all while attracting others to both. This message made a difference for me today and leaves me wanting more— more personal reflection, more letting go of my own agenda and idols, more of being repurposed. Yes, I’ll journey with you, friend. Absolutely.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I find myself so overwhelmed by brokenness sometimes, to the point it is truly relief to know there’s something much greater than my own story. Ah, letting go of my own agenda… it is a occurring theme in my story. Thank you for journeying with me.

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  2. Christan,
    I read and love all your post and this one was no different. What a way to receive this New Year with this outlook. I just need the bravery to make this more of a reality in my own life … I will journey with you too but it can’t be in my own strength (for sure!). Thank you for posting this and have a wonderful day.
    Kathleen
    PS Where did you find your sculpture? Never seen one like it and so appropriate to leave out.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kathleen, you’re kind. Thanks for reading and for being part of this little community here and for sharing your thoughts today. Thank goodness we’re not traveling with our strength, right? The sculpture is from Egypt. My parents were living in Cairo during the Revolution and brought it back for me when they returned to the States. We all look at history — even ancient history — through our own lenses… I would love to have coffee with the artist, wouldn’t you? To to get inside his/her thoughts? Take care.

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