When You’re Just Shy of Feeling Fulfilled

urban mirror

I don’t love looking in the mirror.  When I’m walking down the sidewalk and pass a full-length window, I take a deep breath and focus my gaze forward.  Every time.  I know I have partners in this.

But I’d much rather look at my body in the mirror than see my heart in one.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

I grew up hearing preachers equate our check book ledgers as proof of what’s important to us.  I agree — my bank statements show I love food and modern utilities and traveling and education and clothes and random bits of home decor.  I’d be a tad embarrassed if you saw my spending, but not really ashamed.

But put a mirror in front of my heart and mind — in front of my deepest privacy masked by a smile — and I don’t think I could bear it.

What you’re longing for — what you spend time thinking and dreaming about, planning and hoping for — radically impacts your fulfillment.

Sometimes I look around at my blessings and still find myself just shy of feeling fulfilled, wondering if what I do or accomplish or have will ever be enough.  Put a mirror in front of my heart and you may just have to look away.  I certainly would.  The discontentment might be too much for you to bear… especially if you can relate.

What do we repeatedly find weaving itself into our thoughts?  These quick moments — over and over — eventually turn into daydreams.  And then into plans.  And when those plans remain but a dream, they command center-stage of our thoughts, becoming all too important.

Oh, how unmet expectations can be so dangerous.

Just across the sea from Greece, in the ancient town of Colosse, broken Christ-followers wrestled with the same mess.  If you have been raised up with Christ, Paul wrote, keep seeking the things above… Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on the earth. Colossians 3:1-3

Keep seeking.  I’ll try to grab the on-going choice, for when I forget there’s a battle waging for my heart, the daydreams creep in again.  And turn to plans.  And become unfulfilled dreams.  And on and on and on.

And the silent whining and bitterness could cause almost any looking glass to crack.

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